Spaz saves the world, all by himself
by Battybuddy
Summary: Spaz Jackrabbit recieves a cry for help... but no big brother is to be found.
1. The electric cats cradle message

My favorite fanfic I've ever done, and it is finished. For those of you who will question why its so off-the-wall, I have 3 reasons:

1) This is based on an RPG game that I have fallen in love with called Toon. All I did was come up with the story, put Spaz's stats into it, and see what mayhem occurs (If anyone wants to know what his stats are for the story, I'll post them later.).

2) THIS IS SPAZ WE'RE TALKING ABOUT for crying out loud!

and finally

3) I wrote this, and I happen to like oddball stuff. It takes my mind off the thought of the dentist drilling into my molars.

I should note to you Jazz and Lori fans that they are not going to be here all that much. Please exit to the rear of the theater. I've noticed that my personal favorite bunny has been getting taken for granted/ insulted/ beaten up for a while in certain stories (I'm not giving names, but YOU know what I'm talking about.), and I've decided to even the score a bit by having him save a planet.

I should also note that as this story was played out in the RPG, so even I didn't have a clue as to how it was going to end up. That made it as Spazzy as possible. In addition to Spaz, it stars three robots I created for the Toon game: S.O.C.K.E.T. 2M, S.O.C.K.E.T. 2R, and S.O.C.K.E.T. 2U. Anyone wishing to use these robots must talk to me.

And so, with that in mind: let the craziness begin:

Spaz saves the world, all by himself, with nothing but speed, wits and a large slice of cheesecake part 1 (Sorry couldn't fit the whole title in the subject.)

The electric cats cradle message

Dateline: Noon

Location: Carrotus castle

Spaz was finally free from all the nagging. It was the first day of vacation for him and his siblings, and Jazz, Lori, and Eva decided to spend the next couple of days camping. Due to his past experience camping (that ended in a disaster involving smores, a trout, 3 sausage weenies, and a tub of gasoline dripping into the campfire.) Spaz had been confined to spend the while at home. Fortunately for the furniture, Eva had had the incite to put an asbestos drop cloth over everything.

Spaz had made himself a nice moderate staying-home-alone snack (Enough food to feed a third world nation for a decade.) and sat down in a chair to watch some TV. He had previously found a long strip of wire, and was fidgeting with it, making an electric cats cradle with his ears. He had bent it for about 20 minutes, when all of a sudden, the TV burst into static. "AW, MAN! Why does this have to happen right when Scully was about to declare her undying love to Cancer man?" said the disappointed rabbit, and he got up to see what was wrong with the TV. As he moved closer, an image appeared on the screen. It kind of looked like a football, a basketball, and a boomerang moving around. The picture was a little fuzzy, but Spaz could swear that the sports equipment had LEGS... And were wearing large, thick glasses. At the same time, he heard a strange voice. He turned off the TV, but he still heard it. IT WAS COMING FROM THE WIRE WRAPPED AROUND HIS EARS!

"... And furthermore, you know as well as I do that these people are idiots. Wiping them out and populating their home world is a humane gesture..." the voice whispered. It seemed like it was far off. Suddenly three voices called out in unison, two male, and one female "HELP US! ANYONE GETTING THIS MESSAGE HELP US!"

"Oh... MY... GOD..." Said Spaz, slowly realizing what this meant. "I'm an audio witness to a plot to overthrow a planet... AND a cry for help... I gotta call bro." He ran to the phone trying to remember Jazz's cell phone number, then he stopped. "Wait a sec. Maybe I could handle this on my own... Jazz always said I got potential... And he wouldn't like his vacation messed up... OK, World! Look out, Spaz Jackrabbit is coming to save the day. Wait, I think I'll probably need a snack to take along with me..." Moving to the fridge, Spaz noticed with disappointment, that the only thing he had left in his feeding frenzy was a large slice of (You guessed it) Cheesecake. "Ah well, it'll have to do." Sticking the frozen pastry in with his blaster, he wrote out a message and stuck it to the wall;

'Dear Bro.., Sis., and Eva.,

I have received a message about a plot to capture a planet. Be back soon. I hope nobody wanted that piece of cheesecake, because I needed it for the trip.

-sPaZ'

Grabbing his airboard, Spaz rode to his mission... and his destiny.

To be continued... in Chapter 2: The bunny has landed.

(Hope you like it so far. This was my third story after"The story of Devan Shell".)


	2. The Bunny has landed

Spaz saves the world, all by himself, with nothing but speed, wits and a large slice of cheesecake part 2:

The Bunny has landed.

Dateline: 3:00 p.m.

Location: Somewhere out in that big black empty area- you know... With the stars... And the planets...

Spaz was cruising along as fast as he could, using the reception of the wire as a guide to his mysterious destination. One time he got lost and heard nothing but a four hour marathon of 'The Archies', and a voice with a Texas accent trying to reach some guy named 'Su-dam' (Or something like that.), but he soon got back on track. He was getting close, judging by the fact that he was getting less and less static. Suddenly, he saw it: The transmission was coming from a HUGE battle cruiser. Spaz gulped audibly: Whoever had a spaceship of THIS size would most likely arm it with enough high tech weaponry to turn the pentagon into a large puddle of goo. No telling how well it was in the radar detection category...

Little did Spaz know that right then his presence was well aware of:

"The radar camera is picking up a small blip, captain..."

"Aw, man- don't tell me it's another self-proclaimed 'Super hero' come to stop us from annihilating the Bozonians. We just finished getting rid of that guy with the S on his chest. Doesn't Bozok know they can't stop us, no matter HOW many one-man armies they send against us?"

"Actually, this one is... well... DIFFERENT, sir..."

"Different? How so?"

"Well... Your probably gonna laugh at me... But it looks like a large, skinny, shaggy-looking red rabbit on a primitive aerobatic transportation device with a piece of wire wrapped around his ears... And he looks like he has his tongue hanging halfway out of his mouth, sir."

"GEEZE! What have those idiots dug up this time???"

"Shall I turn the lasers on him?"

"Naw, lets have some fun with THIS one- PREPARE THE TACHYONIC LIQUIDIFIER BEAM!"

Spaz was still trying to figure out a way to get closer to the ship without being detected. Suddenly a hatch opened up on the side of the ship and a red beam shot out straight for him. Spaz dove out of the way, just barely missing getting hit. The beam shot past him, hitting a small chunk of meteorite. Instantly, the space rock turned into a thick liquid. Spaz let out a high-pitched yelp "Uh, oh. They're onto me. It's either gung-ho kamikaze right now, or I'm gonna end up as a soft drink." Laying down on his stomach Boogy-board style, Spaz gripped his board as hard as he could and shot straight for the side of the ship, dodging more shots of the dangerous beam. He was just a few feet away, when all of sudden one of the beams struck his airboard. "YIKES!!!" said Spaz, as he could already feel his board melting. As quick as he could, he positioned his rapidly liquefying board behind him, then with his battle cry of "HEEEEIIIIIYAAAA!" side kicked off of it latching himself to the side of the ship. "Whew..." Spaz sighed as the remains of his transportation dissipated into the emptiness of space. "Another close call like THAT, and I'll have to double my tranquilizer dosage." Pulling out his gun and setting it for toaster, Spaz melted an opening in the ship and slipped through.

"Target hit, captain."

"Excellent... Any sign of our little intruder."

"No, sir, I think we totally evaporated him."

"Hmm. That seemed too easy. Run a damage report-PRONTO!"

"Yes sir" pause. "Um, Captain, their appears to be a small leakage in sector 62081..."

"Hmm... Our vigilante friend must have been here for the droids. He somehow managed to give those incompetent robots a chance to escape. Send a crew of well armed guards to check out the area."

"Uh, sir, I hate to be insubordinate, but the guards are on their coffee break-you know; union rules- and the last thing we need is a bunch of disgruntled workers on our hands."

"Oh, very well... BUT AS SOON AS THEY GET DONE, THEY BEST GET THEIR PREHENSILE TAILS IN GEAR!"

Looking around, Spaz noticed that he appeared to be in some kind of prison cell. There seemed to be a small air vent leading out, but it was blocked by a large round orange object. Spaz grabbed it to try and pull it out to see if it would be useful, when all of a sudden, it spoke to him in a familiar voice. One of the very same voices that were in his distress call. "LET GO OF ME! I WASN'T TRYING TO ESCAPE! HONEST!" All of a sudden the orange object turned black, and grew a sputtering fuse. IT SOMEHOW TRANSFORMED INTO A BOMB! Spaz had only a second to realize this and throw it a short distance before it exploded... and he slipped into unconsciousness...

"... He sure doesn't look like one of them."

"Shows what YOU know. He could very well be the one in CHARGE for all WE know!"

"Still didn't give you permission to blow him up without thinking like that. But then you ALWAYS work on IMPULSE!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"Shut up! He's coming to..."

The pretty multicolored lights stopped swirling for a few seconds and Spaz slowly opened his eyes. He saw three robots looking at him with large curious expressions. They all wore big thick glasses, and tennis shoes, but other then that, they looked completely different. One was shaped like a football, another like a boomerang, and the last looked kind of like a basketball. "Um... HI" Said the football robot. "Who are you?"

To be continued... In part three: Taking care of (monkey) business.

(I know what you may be thinking- more comedy. I'll try for it next time.)


	3. Taking care of monkey business

Spaz saves the world, all by himself, with nothing but speed, wits, and a large slice of cheesecake part 3:

Taking care of (monkey) business

Dateline: 3:30 p.m.

Location: On a butt kicking spaceship somewhere out in space far from the comforts and familiarities of Carrotus.

"He's dressed kinda like a super hero... HEY- Do you thing he could be replying to our distress message?"

"He ain't no super hero- ya gotta have visible muscles to be a super hero..."

"MAY I HAVE SOME QUIET, PLEASE!!!" yelled the football robot. Turning his attention back to Spaz, he said "Please excuse my sibling units, they tend to disagree a lot. Anyway, I restate my question: Who are you?"

"Well, you see... I, uh, sorta got a distress call, and..." "HAH! TOLD YA! In your video display screen, 2R!" interrupted the boomerang robot. "Not so fast, 2U..." said the basketball robot, identified as 2R. "YOU said he was a SUPER HERO! He has yet to confirm that!"

"Well, actually, I AM kinda a super hero." said Spaz. Ignoring the little victory dance 2U started in response to the information, he added "Maybe you've heard of me- Spaz Jackrabbit... Or at least my siblings; Jazz and Lori Jackrabbit?" "Sorry, haven't heard of any of you guys." Said 2R, trying to remain calm while 2U was dancing the cha-cha right in front of her. "Are they super heroes too?"

Spaz was shocked. He thought that Jazz was universally known as the coolest super hero in the galaxy... And Lori was well known and liked as well. And so, faced with three robots who had no clue as to the Jackrabbit family name, Spaz did what any other red-blooded Carrotusian boy rabbit would have done:

He told a little fib.

"Yah, they're super heroes too, but I've always been regarded as the coolest. In fact, they often rely on my opinions and strategies to handle bad guys. I hate to brag, but, I'd say if it wasn't for ME, my sibs would never have gotten ANYWHERE!"

-OK, so it was a bold-faced lie. Don't act like YOU would have taken the virtuous boy-scout choice of telling the truth if YOU were him.

The top part of the football robot popped open, and a large hand on a telescoping hose snaked out and started shaking Spaz's paw. "Please to meet you, Mr. Spasm. My name is S.O.C.K.E.T. 2M, and this is my brother unit; S.O.C.K.E.T. 2U, and my sister unit; S.O.C.K.E.T. 2R- You remember, the one that accidentally blew you up in the last chapter..." "Geeze- I said I was SORRY!" "Oh, don't worry about it." said Spaz, "I go through THAT a LOT... Oh, and the name's Spaz: S-P-A-Z. And no Mr."

"Oh, my mistake. Anyway, since you're here, Mr. Pass, I think you should know why we sent out that distress signal:"

The top part of 2M once again opened up, producing a miniature film projector and movie screen, as well as a medium cola, and a bag of lightly buttered popcorn, that Spaz promptly helped himself to. "Coolness." he thought. "Just like in 'Star Wars'... Or 'Mission Impossible'... Or 'Get Smart'... Or 'Inspector Gadget'... Or that one episode of 'The Flintstones' I saw last week..."

(Please note that the next bit is what appears on the screen. For the sake of a better mental picture; Bozonians look like green, humanoid pigeons, and Dokongeys look like giant, dark-blue monkeys with spikes on their heads, and eagle-like talons on their feet.)

Announcer: Dawn breaks on the planet Bozok, and the Bozonians greet each other, and start on their everyday activities.

Random Bozonian: Hi Joe.

Another Random Bozonian: Hi Mike.

Announcer: Seems like any other planet, huh? Well, that's where your SOOOOO wrong, mister! The Bozonians are without a doubt the single stupidest life form in known space. They make a Dopefish that's been dropped on it's head look like a brain surgeon, and as a result, no Bozonian would last more then 5 minutes on any given planet other then Bozok.

(Mike sits down on a park bench and starts eating rocks. One time he accidentally bites off part of his hand/wing. Instead of showing signs of pain, however, he just continues eating it.)

However- On Bozok, not only are they SAFE, they can do amazing things: They grow roses in their teeth, turn saltwater into gold, build skyscrapers that defy the laws of physics, and perform 100's of other miracles every day.

(Mike has eaten his upper appendage up to the elbow before he finally notices. He calmly pulls off a tree branch and sticks it in the stump where his arm was. The branch starts moving and twitching like it was the original arm. Mike uses this replacement arm to scoop up and eat more rocks.)

How do they do it? It's a concept so simple, your gonna laugh when I tell it to you (unless you've already fallen asleep.); They are too dumb to know they can't. For this reason, all other races have been banned from Bozok. All it would take it one person saying 'That's impossible' and an entire race would be destroyed.

Unfortunately, that vary well may happen. The Dokongeys, who have for some resign figured that THEY have the right to play God with who lives and who dies, have gone out into space with the intent to wipe out the entire race, and turn the dead planet into a university business school for their increasing number of high school graduates. The leader of the military force was unavailable for comment, and in fact, spit in our cameraman's ear when we requested an interview. We promptly crossed him off our list of best friends.

(The film ends.)

"We were sent from the nearby planet of Quiwel. However, someone leaked out information of our coming, and we got captured almost instantly..." said 2M solemnly. "We sent out distress calls for almost a week, but so far, YOU'RE the only one who reached the ship." Added 2R. "In short; your kinda our last hope... Sorry about the pressure." added 2U. "Thanks alot. I think I could handle it- I AM a super hero, after all, and I've faced a lot worse." said Spaz, trying to strike as heroic a pose as he could muster. Inside however, he was a little scared; what if he failed and his display caused the Dokongeys to determine that Carrotus was not fit to be populated by rabbits, and came to turn HIS home world into a community college. Their would be no one to warn them... Shaking his head a little to clear out the negative thoughts, Spaz got to the point. "OK, first things first: We gotta escape from here to get to that leader..." "That's not a problem- We already escaped 10 times. We were on number 11 when YOU showed up." said 2U. "The main problem is once we get out, the place is more impenetrable then a 3 mile block of reinforced concrete. Guards everywhere. To tell you the truth, this place is the safest on the ship for stowaways." added 2R. "We were just digging through the air vent using 2U as a shovel." said 2M, "We should be out in a minute."

"Great!" said Spaz. "Lets get going."

Meanwhile

"Have those guys finish their break yet?"

"Yes, sir captain. They are currently waiting your orders."

"THEN SEND THEM TO SECTOR 62081 NOW BEFORE I LOSE WHAT PATIENCE I HAVE LEFT!"

"Yes sir."

Will Spaz survive the BIG FIGHT with a bunch of plug ugly monkeys armed to the fangs in the next chapter?

To be continued... in part 4:

Spaz struts his stuff.


	4. Chapter Pi

Spaz Saves The World All By Himself With Nothing But Speed Wits And A Large Slice Of Cheesecake part 3.14 (Or Pi)

Jazz, Lori, and Eva: The side story.

"Spaz!, We're HOOME!" Said Jazz Jackrabbit, stepping into the castle with his sister Lori, and wife, Eva. "Did you leave anything for dinner, or will we have to order a pizza again?" added Lori. "Well, the place is still standing, that's ONE good thing... Wait a second- what's this." Eva went over to the fridge where Spaz's note was currently posted and read it to the others. "Do you think he might need a little help?" Lori asked. "Maybe, but then, maybe we should give him a chance." said Jazz. "After all, This may be his chance to make a name for himself... after all, a random distress call was how I got MY start." "Well, nonetheless, I'm ordering a pizza, and Spaz is gonna pay the bill!" Said Eva, slightly angry at Spaz's bottomless pit of a stomach. "And if he thinks he and I aren't gonna have a little talk about this when he gets back- HE'S GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!!!"

Well, so it's not all that good, but I hope it keeps the interest until I post chapter 4.


	5. Taking care of monkey business

Spaz saves the world, all by himself, with nothing but speed, wits, and a large slice of cheesecake part 4

Spaz struts his stuff

Dateline: 3:35 PM

Location: Onboard a large Donkongey death ship bound for the planet Bozok

"We did it! We're out!" shouted S.O.C.K.E.T. 2U upon feeling his metallic body cut through the outside of the wall. "'Bout time too..." Added his churlish sister unit, 2R. "That seemed like the longest minute of my life."

Spaz Jackrabbit crawled through the small hole made by his new allies, the S.O.C.K.E.T. droids, and looked around at his surroundings. "Man!" He said. "This place looks more impressive then all the things Devan produced put together!" It was true, from all the high tech security cameras, Lasers, electric eyes, and other electronic sensory gizmos, Devan would never had thought to create anything half as spectacular as the Donkongeys ship. "So where do we have to go from here?"

"No problem!" said 2M, "The Donkongeys practically planed the escaping FOR us." And with that, the telescoping arm of his pushed a blank panel on the wall, transforming it instantly into a map. "COOLNESS" thought Spaz.

Meanwhile, less then 1 1/2 minutes away...

"Hmmph, It's not fair; We should be given at least 30 minutes rest after lunch before we go check out the stupid droids cell-You know, for the digestion."

"Yeah, I know, but after all- He makes the rules."

Beep Beep "Hey wait a second- This things detecting some kind of life form in the sector we're supposed to be checking out."

"Think it could be the droids?"

"Nah, those droids don't count as life forms. They wouldn't show up. Lets hurry over there- and keep your guns set to fire on the first thing you see moving."

"Ooh, Good idea!"

ZAAAAAAAP 

"Not... ME... you... moron..."

"What was THAT?" said 2R, with a worried tone of voice. "It sounded like some kind of laser shot." "It came from that way" said 2M, "Good, then let's go the other way" replied 2U. "We can't, that way's a dead end." Said Spaz, looking at the map. "It looks like we might have to fight our way through whatever or whoever it was. Anyone got any weapons to defend themselves with?" "You bet!" Said 2M, as his arm appeared, holding some kind of large gun. "You know me- I AM a weapon!" Said 2R. She squeezed her eyes tight, and suddenly sprouted several deadly looking pointed spikes around her body, turning into a mace ball. "I don't need one." said 2U, who promptly vanished into thin air. "Invisibility, you know." "Good, then let's get... YIPE!" A large red laser bolt shot straight for Spaz's head, barely leaving him enough time to duck. Coming at them from around the corner was a small army of Donkongeys, dressed oddly enough like storm troopers. "Halt! In the name of all that is logical, I command that you give yourselves up!" "Not a chance, monkey-boy!" Shouted 2M. "Take this" And with that, his robotic arm pulled the trigger of his gun and out shot...

... A rubber chicken?!?

"2M, YOU JERK!!" yelled 2R. "YOU GOOFED AGAIN! First it was a gun that shot out a sign that said 'BANG', now it shoots RUBBER CHICKENS? And everyone's says YOU'RE the SMART ONE!" "sorry..." Another shot of fire hit Spaz's gun with deadly accuracy, causing it to become red hot. "OUCH! Never mind!" said Spaz, dropping his gun like a hot potato, and grabbing 2Ms. "We have to make due with what we can." And with that, he shot a large volley of rubber chickens at the rapidly advancing army, which somehow, didn't seem to be advancing quite as rapidly as it had been just a second ago, as any attempted made by them to launch a counter attack with their guns, was stopped by dense rubber chicken formations. "Their still gaining!" said 2U, suddenly returning to visibility. "Can't you make that thing fire any faster?" "Hold on, I'll check... Hmm- what's this?" Upon closer examination, Spaz found that the gun had a dial on it with names of various fowl. Currently the dial was set to 'chicken', but Spaz found a more useful setting;

"I'M, A-CRANKIN' THIS PUPPY UP TO EMU!" The small grunts from being hit by flying rubber chickens that the guards were making suddenly turned into screams of pain from being hit by flying rubber emu. They were retreating slowly away. "HEY! THEY CAN'T ESCAPE! They'll give away our position!" Said 2M. "No prob. I'll handle this!" Replied 2R. She transformed into a bowling ball, rolled as fast as she could to the armies, then did her bomb transformation...

BOOOM...SHACKALACKA The guards, as well as a large amount of the rubber poultry, were propelled into the air. The poultry came down softly and painlessly, unfortunately the same could not be said about the guards- or rather, what was left of them.

"Coolness!" Said Spaz, as 2M produced a large bucket of ice water that he used to cool down Spaz's gun. "Do you think I could keep this gun? I'd LOVE to see the look on Devan Shell's four-eyed face when I mow him down with THIS baby!" "Sure thing, Mr. Zaps, You use it better then I ever could."

Meanwhile, on planet Carrotus:

"ACHOOO!" Sneezed Devan Shell, blowing turtle mucus all over the brand new plans for the death machine he was SURE was going to help him take over Carrotus. Wiping his nose and looking for a rag to clean up the mess before it ruined his blueprints, he thought "Hmmm... Someone must be thinking about me..."

Also meanwhile, in the same ship Spaz is on...

"Well, aren't those troops back yet?"

"Sir... Your probably not going to like this... but...

"Spit it out!"

"...They've disappeared rather suddenly from our scanners."

"WHAT? HOW DOES A BUNCH OF OUR STRONGEST FIGHTERS DISAPPEAR AFTER GOING TO DEAL WITH A BUNCH OF ESCAPED INCOMPETENT DROIDS?"

"Well, I don't know, Sir, but I do have some... better news..."

"It better be- for YOUR sake."

" Gulp We've been charging our main weapon for the destruction of the Bozonian race, and it should be ready by the time we get there."

"Excellent... See to it that we don't have to spend any precious time waiting for it to charge when we get there. In other words- MAKE SURE THOSE ROBOTS DON'T MAKE IT TO THE MAIN ARMORY ROOM!"

"Yes, Sir!"

To be continued... in part 5:

There's more then one way to kill off a civilization... or 'The evil plan is explained'

By the way, about Devan's sneezing; There's some kind of superstition that states that if you sneeze, then someone is thinking about you. I however do not know where it originated from. If you know, I would appreciate it if you mentioned it.

Also, so that you know the powers of the droids: 2M is able to conjure up practically anything from his head with his robotics arm (Think along the lines of Inspector Gadget), 2R has limited morphing abilities (She can only turn into round objects.) And 2U can turn invisible. However, non of them are very good at their powers- 2M often pulls out the wrong thing, 2R sometimes looses control of her morphing, and every once in a while, 2U will only turn transparent, or make only a part of his body invisible. Anyone wishing to use them for a war tavern story may use them, as they just might meet Spaz or his friends in the future, but tell me the name of the story so I may be able to read it. Also, you can have S.O.C.K.E.T. stand for whatever you want, as I have no clue what it means.


	6. The evil plan is explained

Spaz saves the world, all by himself, with nothing but speed, wits, and a large slice of cheesecake part 5

There's more then one way to kill off a civilization... Or 'The evil plan is explained'

Dateline: 4:00 PM

Location: Rapidly tracking through the shortest path from sector 62081 to the main armory room

"I mean, YOU WERE TRULY BEYOND SMOOTH BACK THERE!" Said 2U, who was following closer to Spaz then any of the others, as they made their way through the ship, stopping only to give a few major security devices a suitable 'reprograming' with Spaz's trusty blaster. "You're siblings must be honored to have such an awesome super hero like YOU in the immediate family. Tell me, do they ever get jealous?" Spaz was briefly considering telling the truth about the pecking order of his sibs, but the thought of possibly losing his new fan made him change his mind- after all, 2R was complaining that it was done with mirrors, and 2M, impressed with Spaz's resourcefulness, was studying a paddle ball and considering its possibilities for time travel. "Eh, sometimes they do. In fact, one time Lori came up asking me to teach her a few moves." Spaz said, deciding to tell something a little more truthful. After all, Lori HAD learned her variation of the side kick from him. And Jazz occasionally admitted that he was jealous about how Spaz could do his infamous double jump, but whenever he tried it with Spaz's directions ("It's easy; Just spin in midair, throw yourself to the ground, and miss."), he ended up chewing sod. "By the way, You never told me how these Donkongeys plan on destroying the Bozonians." Spaz said, hoping to change the subject. "Are they just gonna land and walk around saying 'that's impossible' everywhere they go?" "No, too many problems with THAT plan, Mr. Spam;" said 2M. "1) They'll only be able to take out a small area of those in earshot, 2) They don't account for deaf Bozonians, and 3) They might get killed in the following cataclysm. No, they have devised the most diabolical of weapons. Something so sinister, that it will cause the destruction of the whole planet in a matter of seconds." "What?" "The Logic Intensifier Armageddon Ray, or L.I.A.R. for short. One shot from that gun, and the IQ of every carbon-based life form on Bozok will be magnified 100 times. As a result, the Bozonians will be WAAY too smart to keep their miracles working, and Oh BABY will they die out, just like that!" "Maybe you heard of it," Said 2R. "Whenever you say that you can do something that someone else says you can't, what does the other guy say?" Spaz thought for a moment, "Uh... Liar?" "Ah, So you HAVE heard of it." " GROAN So, any ideas on how we're gonna destroy this ray?" "Well... We never even got THIS far... So..." "Um, don't tell me: I gotta come up with another plan?" "Yes!" Said all three droids in unison. "Man!" thought Spaz, "My heads starting to hurt from all this planing." "Well, there IS some GOOD news!" Stated 2U. "In accordance with The Super villain Fair play Act of 1950, the gun has to be charged up to mass blast the whole planet. Under these circumstances, the Dokongey would be forbidden to charge up the thing before their arrival to Bozok, so we have plenty of time to stop them before they fire!"

All of a sudden a loud voice from out of nowhere sounded. "Your attention please; This is your second-in-command, Numero Dose, speaking with an important announcement. As some of you may know, our captain has in response to a, now possibly deceased, unidentified super heroes attempt to stop us, decided to risk breaking the Super villain Fair play act of 1950, and we have been charging the L.I.A.R. a good half hour ago. Our top mathematicians now predict that there will be no delay time between our arrival, which will be 10 minutes duration, and the wiping out of Bozok, provided that we keep the power flow steady. To this point it should also be noted that our prisoners, the stupid droids that resemble sports equipment, are loose and about. Hello, wherever you are, I just want you to know that you haven't got a snowballs chance in heck to accomplish your goal. As of this moment, all the ships security is being put to work to find your location, and when we do, everyone on board is commanded to rush to your area with orders to dismantle you on site. That is all..."

There was an unnerving silence while both Spaz and the droids stared in shock. 2R broke it; "WHAT ARE WE DOING JUST STANDING HERE! THIS IS A MAYDAY CODE-RED SITUATION! LET'S MOVE MOVE MOOOOVE!... And by the way, 2U, you've made a fool of yourself once again, congratulations!" All three jumped directly into Spaz's arms in panic, and Spaz ran as fast as he could down the hall towards the main armory room.

Meanwhile:

"We've located the bots Sir, and... Uh oh..."

"What's up?"

"There seems to be an unidentified entity with them, I'll put it on screen."

Blip "Hmmm... He looks rather familiar... Wait a sec, isn't that the red rabbity thing with it's tongue hanging out that approached the ship earlier?"

"It can't be, Sir, we liquefied that guy almost an hour ago. And even if we missed him a little, he would have asphyxiated before he reached us."

"YOU FOOL! HE'S ONE OF THOSE SUPER HEROES- WHO'S TO SAY HE COULDN'T MAKE IT IF YOU MISSED HIM!"

"Well, it defies all logic, Captain..."

"Enough! Run an identity check!"

"Yes Sir," Rrrng Rrrng Ding- You got mail Print Print Print "Hmm... Jackrabbit, Spaz. Younger brother and sidekick to Jazz Jackrabbit, four time champion of Cosmic magazine's 'Coolest furry space hero of the year award'. Idol and hero of a Carrotusian Bat named... Hmm... Sorry Captain, the name is badly smudged."

"Jazz Jackrabbit?!?"

"You know of him, Captain?"

"Lets just say our paths crossed once... Continue!"

"Yes sir... Fell down a flight of stairs, and got sucked up in a twister shortly after birth, and as a result has become omnivorous, constantly hungry, and a little on the loopy side with a fast metabolism (Kind of like a Tasmanian devil with long ears.). Lost his tail as a baby when he tried to eat the family piranha. Lifelong dream is to one day become as big a super hero as Jazz. Is rumored to be the only creature alive to have fought face-to-face with a dopefish and lived. Currently lives on planet Carrotus with his brother, younger sister Lori, and sister-in-law Eva. Seems that even though he's always in the shadow of his brother and sister, he's still managed a large undercover fan club, who's members are rumored to on occasion, die their fur red and eat small feathered animals. As of yet, however, these rumors have not been proven."

"Numero dose, After we take care of Bozok, You are to plot a course to Planet Carrotus. I believe a new theme park is in order for celebration..."

"Yes sir, Captain."

"Now... I think I might want to pay our little friend Spaz here a short visit at the main armory room."

Huh? The captain KNOWS JAZZ? Who is he, and will Spaz live through his encounter? Will Bozok and Carrotus be destroyed and colonized? Log on for the thrilling- and compared to the last chapters, rather long next chapter:

Spaz saves the world all by himself with nothing but speed, wits, and a large slice of cheesecake part 6:

The big cheese meets the big cheesecake.

Coming soon to a website near you.

About taking liberties with Spaz's history, well, none of my questions about Spaz- How he became so loopy, why he eats a lot and never gains weight, and (Most importantly of all) why he doesn't have a tail, have been answered, and so I decided to make my own history. In my opinion, Spaz has what I call Norvill Rogers syndrome- named after Scooby Doo costar Norvill "Shaggy" Rogers, and as a result, could not gain weight even if he tried.

Any thoughts as to who the villain is ; one thing is sure- it's not Devan!


	7. The Big Cheese Meets the Big Cheesecake

Spaz saves the world, all by himself with nothing but speed, wits, and a large slice of cheesecake: part 6

The Big Cheese Meets the Big Cheesecake

Dateline: Minutes away from judgment day

Location: Running towards the main armory room, screaming like B-movie stars with a large gang of heavily armed guards hot on their heels.

ZAAAAP!

"Can't you run any faster? They're gaining on us!"

"I could... IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO CARRY YOU THREE AS WELL!!!"

"Details, details"

ZAAAAP! "YOUCH!!" Spaz ducked narrowly avoiding a laser shot aimed for his head... Unfortunately, the shot took away a small patch off of his pompadour, leaving him with a small yet noticeable bald spot right between his ears.

"Don't worry, Mr. Squaz," said 2M pointing up ahead. "There's the door to the main armory room." "Thank God for small favors!" muttered Spaz.

Kicking the door open, Spaz dropped his robot friends into a little heap in front of him and slammed the door rather loudly. After taking some time to catch his breath, he started rubbing his bald patch.

"Aww, man..." he said, rather sadly. "There ought to be some kind of 'hair club for hares' in case of situations like this." He ruffled his fur up a bit to cover the spot.

"WOW!" said 2U, coming too from all the past excitement. "You're the coolest, Spaz."

"Thanks... Where's 2M?"

"HEY, GUYS! TAKE A LOOK AT THIS!!"

Turning towards the sound of 2M's voice, the three adventurers gasped in unison. In the middle of the room was the L.I.A.R. It was about 50 feet high and if one squinted, looked, well, a LOT like a giant lava lamp.

"Whoa... I had NO IDEA the thing looked so ridiculous." Said 2R.

"Well, now that we're here, we might as well get to destroying it." Spaz said pulling out his gun and taking careful aim. Suddenly a shot came out of nowhere, hitting Spaz's fingers and making him drop his gun.

"Hello, Mr. Jackrabbit." A shadowy figure was waiting in the corner. It casually walked to the door and locked it. The bots quickly took refuge behind Spaz's skinny legs. "Glad you could make it to see the destruction and carnage."

"Who are you? How do you know my name?" Spaz said nervously. He was starting to wish he could hide behind his OWN legs with the bots.

"You could say it has to do with a close relative of yours." The figure walked into the light.

"WHAT! IT CANT BE! BRO. GOT RID OF YOU YEARS AGO!!!"

It was Zoonik.

Suddenly a large hand came seemingly from out of nowhere and enveloped Spaz's entire body. Looking up, Spaz saw that he was in the grasp of a giant 20 foot tall gorilla wearing a business suit. "Allow me to introduce you to an friend of mine." Said Zoonik with a sneer. "Ruler of the Donkongeys, King Kong Glomerate. He made me his chief adviser, and ultimately, CAPTAIN of his army."

"Wait a sec- You guys KNOW each other?" Interrupted 2R.

"Well, rather indirectly: the evil super genius turtle known as Devan Shell promised me good money to make sure that his brother never made it to his precious princess, but it turned out that little green lagomorph had to be a gun toting Speedy Gonzolase about it.- I ended up getting fried within an inch of my life. I was humiliated right on my own home planet... Nobody does that to me without consequences..."

"So..." said Kong Glomerate. "This is the brother of Jazz Jackrabbit of whom I've heard so much about." Lifting Spaz up to his eye level, he added. "As my chief adviser and captain of my fleet, Zoonik is my property. I consider it a personal matter when my property is desecrated..." Spaz gulped audibly.

Then he did the best thing he could do in his rather intimidating position: Opening his mouth as wide as he could, he sunk his teeth into Kong Glomerates pointer finger.

The giant ape screamed in pain and waved his hand wildly to try to shake Spaz off, but the plucky rabbit wouldn't let go that easily. Zoonik, sensing that his new boss was in need of help pulled out his blaster and teliported to Kong'' other hand, which the big ape moved closer to the hero hare. Spaz was too concentrated on hanging on for dear life to notice his nemesis tacking aim at his head. Zoonik pulled the trigger with deadly accuracy...

But the shot hit something else blocking the rabbit. Something that could not be seen for some reason. It made a loud crackling noise, and dropped to the floor with a clang sound, causing Kong Glomerate to stop shaking his hand in surprise. Spaz let go of the giants finger and dropped softly to the ground...

And there on the ground was the blackened body of S.O.C.K.E.T. 2U.

2R and 2M went up to their fallen brother. "Is he going to be all right?" Spaz asked hopefully. "I think so..." started 2M, "But he's definitely going to need to see a good mechanic." Suddenly the small droid moved. "Wha-what happened?" Looking up at his siblings and Spaz, a look of shock appeared on his face. "SPAZ! LOOK OUT!"

Spaz looked behind him. Kong Glomerate was about to smash Spaz with his large hand. Spaz jumped out of the way just in time to avoid it. "Terribly sorry to interrupt such a touching moment." Said Zoonik, pulling out what looked like a large remote control. "But according to my calculations, we've just arrived at Bozok and it's time to set this planetary distraction plan into action." He pushed a large button on the remote. Bright red lights started flashing around the room and an electronic and abnormally calm voice was heard. "2 minutes until the firing of the Logic Intensifier Armageddon Ray."

"It is time to admit defeat, Jackrabbit." Boomed Kong Glomerate, pulling out what looked like a large rubber stamp. "Surrender now, and I shall merely kill you, but if you continue to be stubborn, and fight, I shall wipe every trace of you out of existence."

"Why do you want to destroy these people anyway?" asked 2R. "What have they done to any of YOU guys?"

"They have disrupted the most important of movements:" said Kong Glomerate "PROGRESS! By existing, they prevent our expanding. Their low IQ makes them perfectly expendable, and the one who dies with the most, wins. Shakespeare said that." "Besides..." added Zoonik, "We're EVIL, and you don't get that position by being a softy."

Spaz reached into his pocket for his gun seconds before he remembered that he lost it when Zoonik shot at him... However, he DID find that he had something else there... Something cold and melted... in a plastic baggy... Pulling it out, Spaz found it was something he forgot about a long time ago:

It was a melted slice of cheesecake.

Spaz grinned, he had an idea. While both Zoonik and Kong Glomerate were distracted by 2R, he opened the baggy and poured the remains of the cheesecake on the floor.

"HEY UP THERE! MONKEY BOY!" he shouted, redirecting attention back to him. "I'VE SEEN A BETTER LOOKING SUIT IN COURT! DID YOU ACTUALLY BUY THAT FROM THE 'FREAKISHLY BIG AND TALL STORE' BECAUSE OF YOUR LOUSY SENSE OF STYLE OR DID YOU DRESS UP AS A BUM FOR HOLLOWEEN?"

"WHAAAAT?!?!" Screamed Kong Glomerate, full of murderous rage. "ARE YOU DARE DISGRACING ME?!?!?"

"No, I WAS disgracing you." Muttered Spaz rather smugly. "NOW I'm just MOCKING YOU!" He scratched himself under his arms, jumping up and down like a monkey. "Oooga Booga! Unga Bunga!"

And it was the 'Ooga booga! Unga Bunga!' that pushed the giant ape over the edge. Roaring like a wild animal, he charged, stamp first, intent on destroying his insulter. Fortunately for Spaz, and unfortunately for Kong, he slipped on the melted cheesecake, stumble around wildly for a while, then fell with a loud crash. The stamp flew into the air... ...All eyes looked at it... ...then it came back down...

...Headed straight for Kong Glomerate! The large ape managed one last scream of fright.

The stamp hit him directly on the chest. Suddenly he exploded in an abnormally bright light, causing Spaz, Zoonik, and the S.O.C.K.E.T. droid to shield their eyes...

And when the light died down, where King Kong Glomerate had been moments before, there was only one word stamped on the floor of the room: 'Canceled'.

"I suggest you give yourself up now, Zoonik!" said Spaz, turning to the only remaining threat. "Your big hairy owner can't help ya now! You're finished..."

"Maybe so, Bunny boy, but there ARE two things you're forgetting..." "What?"

"1 minute until the firing of the Logic Intensifier Armageddon Ray." Said the calm voice of the countdown computer. Spaz's heart sank. "That's one. You gotta remember, Somebody down there likes me." Said Zoonik, pointing downward. "And now if you'll excuse me, here's the other:" And in a flash of smoke, he promptly vanished from sight.

"Mr. Snaz!" shouted 2M, "Look at the L.I.E.R.!" Turning towards the horrible weapon, Spaz noticed that it was starting to glow evilly. He had to destroy it soon... But how?

Suddenly, Spaz knew what he had to do, but he knew it was probably going to be vary painful. Turning to the droids, he said, "No matter what happens, you must stay away from me." "Spaz! What are you going to do?" asked 2U rather nervously.

"30 seconds until the firing of the Logic Intensifier Armageddon Ray."

"I'm going to do something I must, but don't want to do. Just stay away, and everything will turn out OK."

"10 Seconds until the firing of the Logic Intensifying Armageddon Ray."

"Spaz DON'T!"

"9... 8... 7... 6..."

Spaz walked up to the L.I.E.R.

"5... 4... 3..."

1 foot away from the weapon, Spaz gathered his courage, and concentrated.

"2..."

Spaz felt his body warming up, and did the only thing he could do...

"1..."

KABOOOOM!!! 

He exploded.

Has Spaz save the planet, but lost his life? Tune in for the thrilling conclusion to the story:

Spaz saves the world all by himself with nothing but speed, wits, and a large slice of cheesecake... Part 6:

Welcome Home Spaz.

Please note that the character of Kong Glomerate does NOT belong to me, and that I used him without the knowledge or consent of his creator. My apologies go to Steve Gerber. I have no money so it would be futile to sue me.


	8. Welcome Home Spaz

Here's the final episode. I hope you had fun. I know I did.

Spaz saves the world all by himself with nothing but speed, wits, and a large slice of cheesecake part 7:

Welcome home Spaz

Dateline: 4:20 p.m. Do you know where your children are?

Location: Floating above the planet Bozok.

"SPAZ! NOOOO!" The L.I.A.R. had been destroyed due to Spaz's brave sacrifice, but upon examination of the place where his hero once stood, 2U found only his boots, wrist bands, and after looking a little further, his gun. "He can't be gone! He just CAN'T."

2M walked up to his brother unit, and used his telescoping arm to pat him on the back comfortingly. "There there, 2U. We'll all miss him..." "I'm not the religious type," Added 2R, showing a rare display of sisterly love. "But, I'm sure if any of it's true, he's probably in the good place."

"Your right! This corner is definitely a lot better then standing in front of a big war weapon" The bots turned to the voice.

Out of the corner stepped a blackened, rabbity figure. He was barefoot, and didn't look as perky as before, but it was obvious who he was.

"SPAZ! YOUR ALIVE!?!"

"Maybe cough but we're still checking. By the way, what happened to the rest of the Donkongeys?"

Meanwhile

"What are we doing here, again?"

"I think we were going to destroy the inhabitants of that world and claim their planet as our own..."

"That doesn't seem very logical. Why don't we just take over a non-inhabited planet and save the trouble?"

"I don't know, I guess we just weren't thinking."

"I'm hungry, lets get some grub."

"I'm up for that, how bout Mexican?"

"I think the weapon exploding so close to its firing caused it to effect the conscious organic life forms on the SHIP rather then the PLANET!." Said 2M. "I think we don't have to worry about those guys again!" "Well, in THAT case," replied 2R. "Let's go beam down there and tell those guys who saved them." She turned into a cannonball, then added "Hey, Rabbit boy- make yourself useful and help me knock that door down." "Oh, OK." Picking up the transformed droid, Spaz threw her straight at the door, which gave in with a large clang.

Once they finally found a transporter, the four heroes found themselves standing on Bozok, in front of a large building that looked a lot like 'Cuddles' the fabric softener bear smoking a cigar. Standing in front of them were several million confused and frightened-looking Bozonions. 2M pulled out a blow horn and prepared to speak.

"GREETINGS... I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD OF THE THREATS TO YOUR SURVIVAL..." "-THERE HAVE BEEN THREATS TO OUR SURVIVAL?!?!?" the Bozonians started screaming, running around, and pulling their feathers out by the handful. "NONONO! CALM DOWN!" The panicking stopped. "THE THREATS ARE NO LONGER A PROBLEM." A small voice piped up. "Does that mean we're dead already?" The panicking resumed again. 2M growled, walked over to the building, and started banging his head against it. "Um. I think I'll take it from here, pal." Said Spaz. Turning to the panicking crowd, he stated. "Don't worry about a thing, the evil guys have been taken care of, and you are free to do whatever you want again." The screams rapidly turned into cheers. One Bozonian, wearing a top hat and vest, pushed his way to the building, and shook Spaz's paw.

"Greetings, Mr. Rabbit." He said. "As the mayor of Bozok, I am to thank you for saving our fair planet." "Aw shucks..." said Spaz modestly. "It was nothing..." "Oh it wasn't? Well then forget about it." Said the mayor, turning to leave. "Uh, actually, I guess it WAS something, just not much of a something... or something." Said Spaz hastily, realizing his mistake. The mayor stood thinking for a moment before saying "Aw, skip it- I'm too confused. Anyway, as thanks for saving us, we offer you this."

The mayor reached into his breast pocket and pulled out-

A rock.

Spaz was a little disappointed. "Gee... Thanks... A rock. One can never have too many rocks..." -Gee, I wonder if Bro. ever got into something like this when HE was starting out.- he thought to himself.

2M whispered in Spaz's ear. "Mr. Rash, that's no ordinary rock: it's a genuine Bozonian rock. It's because of that mineral that the Bozonians get their special powers." "Course it only works if the owner looses all his/her marbles." Added 2R. "Still, sounds like a sweet deal to me." Ended 2U. "COOLNESS!" Spaz pocketed the rock. "Um... You don't think I could bum a ride off of you guys back to planet Carrotus?" he said to the mayor. "You see, my airboard melted in part 2 and..." "Oh, but of course." Said the mayor, pointing at two Bozonians sawing a hole in midair. "Just go through that tunnel. I'm sure you'll get back."

"Gee thanks." Turning back to his friends, Spaz said "I'll miss you guys. Hope we can meet again someday..." "Stay cool, Spaz." Said 2U, and with that, Spaz walked into the hole and disappeared.

"You don't really think that hole will take Mr. Pez back to his home world, do you?" asked 2M. "No clue whatsoever." Said the mayor. 2M groaned loudly.

Epilogue:

DINGDONG "Humph. That must be the pizza... I'll get it." Eva, still angry from Spaz's eating everything not tied down, giving him the strength to eat everything that was tied down, got up, and stomped over to the door.

Lori looked at her watch. "It's been over 3 hours. Do you think he's all right." Jazz pushed the pause button on his video game. "I say we give him another... 30 minutes before we start worrying." He said confidently.

WHUMP 

"What was that?" Jazz and Lori grabbed their guns, more out of reflex than anything else, and moved towards the living room, being the source of the weird noise. What they found surprised them.

Spaz was laying on the floor, looking like he fell on his head... well, that wasn't the surprising part. Just over Spaz was what looked like a hole floating in midair. However, it disappeared just after they noticed it, making them wonder if they didn't just imagine it.

Lori went up to her brother and started shaking him. "Spaz... Are you all right?" "Sancho?... Is that you?..." Spaz said. Shaking his head, he came back to his senses. "Oh, Hi Sis. Hi Bro.." "Spaz!" started Jazz. "How'd everything turn out?" "Bro., I have one question..." "Yeah?" "Did you ever receive... a ROCK as thanks for saving a planet?"

Jazz laughed. "Let me show you my collection sometime."

"Yeah, well... it's good to be home. Sniff Sniff Hey, is that PIZZA? You guys ordered PIZZA without me?" Spaz was unaware that a luminous shadow just fell on him. Jazz and Lori looked behind him with shocked looks on their faced. "Um... Spaz, I think it would be in your best interest to run like crazy..." said Lori, with a noticeable fear to her voice. "Huh? Why?" Spaz asked.

"EVA!!!" both Jazz and Lori shouted simultaneously.

Spaz turned around, and standing there, was a very peeved princess. Spaz managed a nervous smile before being grabbed by the ears and dragged to parts unknown.

"Too bad he couldn't tell his story before Eva read him the riot act." Lori said. "I'm rather interested in what happened."

"Me too. I just hope he remembers enough of- Hey... What's that?"

Down on the ground, was what looked like a large gun, except it had a dial on the side with the names of various birds on it, ranging from 'Humming bird' to 'Emu'.

"What kind of gun is THIS?" asked Lori. "I'm not sure." Said Jazz. "All I know is it's not from any universe I'VE ever been to..."

The End

... Or is it?


End file.
